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View Full Version : "Get Slim Quick, Foxie!" - A chainlink fanfic starring the Fox & Crow


Lee Glover
09-06-2004, 12:44 PM
(In the opening scene, Crawford Crow is walking toward Fauntleroy Fox's home, and proceeds to ring the doorbell. We now see Fauntleroy in his home, sitting down on a chair and reading a newspaper. He hears the doorbell).

Fox: Hmm. I wonder who can that be?

(He looks through the window, and sees Crawford)

Fox: Oh, it's that chiselling crow again! No doubt he's trying to sell me something! Well, this time, I'm going to ignore him!

(He continues to read his paper. Crawford rings the bell several times, but Fauntleroy still ignores him)

Fox (talking to himself): That's it, Fauntleroy! Pretend he's not there!

(Crawford is now banging on the door)

Crow: C'mon, Foxie! Open up! I know yer still in dere!

(Fauntleroy is started to become irritated)

Fox: Why you...no, I'm still not going to take any notice of him!

(Crawford lights up a stick of dynamite and leaves it in front of the door. We now return to Fauntleroy)

Fox: Ahh, at last. The sound of silence.

(A loud explosion can be heard, and large chunks of the front door comes flying into the room. The explosion causes Fauntleroy to fall off his chair)

Fox: What was that?

(He comes running to the front entrance, where he sees Crawford)

Crow: Hiya, chum!

Fox: Oh my gosh! What have you done to my door?

Crow: Well, ya won't believe this, but when I knocked on yer door, it...er...spontaneously combusted!

Fox: I'll spontaneously combust you, you no-good vandal!

Crow: Uh, oh! Better run!

(Fauntleroy starts chasing him, but as soon as he leaves the house, we can see that Fauntleroy is overweight! He starts puffing after the first few yards, and before he can reach the front gate, he collapses, and eventually rollls onto his back, revealing his large stomach)

Crow: Wow, Foxie! Ya let yerself go a bit, haven't ya?

(Fauntleroy struggles to catch his breath)

Crow: Oh man, ya need to get yerself fit. Get yerself a slim figure, like yer's truly. What ya need is a fitness instructor.

(Crwaford walks away)

Fox: But where can I find a fitness instructor?

(Crawford, out of view, throws a Yellow Pages book towards him, which bounces on Fauntleroy's stomach. He grabs the book, and opens to an advert, crudely glued onto the page, with the glue seeping out of it. The ad shows a picture of Crawford with the words "C. Crow, Fitness Instructor. Call 555-SUCKER")

Fox: Hmm. I wonder if he can make me slim again?

TO BE CONTINUED

Pietro
09-07-2004, 07:12 AM
It's been so long since I've done an F&C fanfic so forgive me if I'm a bit rusty, but here it goes:

Crow: Just wait here, Foxie - an' I'll introduce youse to dis character.

(The Crow zips off screen. His derby is still suspended in mind-air, until he reaches offscreen to grab it then disappears)

Fox: I-I can't understand why I'm so out of shape! I chase that no-good, rotten Crow every other day it seems! Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

(Suddenly the Crow arrives in a doctor costume used in "Be Patient, Patient")

Crow: Mr. Fox, eh?

Fox: Why yes!

Crow: Yer Mr. Fox, ain't ya?

Fox: Why YES! YES!

Crow: Are you Mr. Fox?

Fox (getting annoyed): YES! YES! YES!

Crow: Say, do you know where I could find a Mr. Fox?

Fox: YES! YES! I'M MR. FOX! EEEEEEEEEE!

Crow: Ah dat's good ta know - say, how's da weather dese days?

Fox: Splendid! Just splendid! Though, I'm afriad I can't enjoy it as much as others can...

Crow: Is dat so?

Fox: Because you see, I'm a bit overweight...

Crow (sarcastically in mock disbelief): Noooo...

Fox: No, it's true! I can't even see my feet! Oh doc, you've got to save me! DO SOMETHING!

Crow: Humm...well, foist let's go inside so's I can examine yer stomach...

(The Crow leads the Fox inside, pulls out a TV set and places it in front of his stomach. He turns it on there's a commerical for "Maypo" on)

Crow: Oh no! Dis is woise den I taught! Yer stomach is cravin' fer MORE Maypo!

(The Crow changes the channel to Jack Benny, who is playing a violin)

Crow: Uh oh! It seems you've got violin-itis too!

(The Crow flips the channel to "The Gerald McBoing Boing Show")

Crow: Youse REALLY got troubles, bub - yer stomach don't speak woids - it goes "Boing Boing" instead!

(The Crow pulls away the TV, the Fox's face turns pale)

Fox: Oh doc! You've got to save me!

Crow: Alright pal, take it easy! Take it easy! I tink I know how ta solve yer issue...

Fox: You do? How! Do tell!

Crow: Well, ya see it's dis way...

TO BE CONTINUED...

Lee Glover
09-21-2004, 04:32 PM
Crow: What yer need is a strict diet and some exercise. Foist, what's yer typical meal fer de day?

Fox: Well, first, I have roast turkey, followed by creamy mashed potato, then I have some string beans, corn-on-the-cob with melted butter, pastries, chocolate cake...

(Crawford is drooling)

Crow: And a pumpkin pie?

Fox: Oh, yes. how can I forget that. Yes, I have a pumpkin pie every day. Ooh, I can just taste that in my mouth right now. Mmmm-mmm!

Crow (still drooling): So can I... (he snaps out of it, and shakes his head) No, Foxie! Dat's not acceptable.

Fox: Oh my! But I already made a banquet fit for a king!

(Crawford rushes inside the house, where he sees a whole banquet of food on a very large table)

Crow (drooling his delight, and eyes wide open): Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

(Fauntleroy enters)

Crow: Oh, boy...(sees Fauntleroy) err... (clears throat) ya see, Foxie? Dat's the reason why yer fat!

Fox: Is it?

Crow: Yeah, all dat grease, all dat sugar, all dat calories. Eat all dat, ya will get larger...

(Fauntleroy imagines himself getting more overweight)

Crow: And larger...

(Fauntleroy imagines himself becoming more overweight)

Crow: and larger...

(Faunteroy imagines himself becoming so overweight, his stomach begins to quiver)

Crow: And den...

(His imaginery self's stomach begins to quiver even more, then his whole dream explodes)

Fox (very upset): Oh doc! I don't want to become even more overweight. I don't want all this food. Here, take it. Take it all away!

Crow: With pleasure.

(Crawford grabs all the food by grabbing all four corners of the tablecloth, carrying it like a sack. He leaves the room, and enters Fauntleroy's garden. He throws the tablecloth down on the ground, with all the food and plates spinning around in mid-air, landing safely on to the tablecloth. Crawford rushes back inside)

Fox: But what am I allowed to eat?

Crow: Don't worry. I fix ya up something.

(He runs away, and re-appears with a silver tray and lid. He places it onto the table)

Crow: Here yer are. Something really healthy ta eat.

Fox: why, thank you, doc!

Crow: Bon appetit!

(Crawford runs away, and arrives back in the garden. He is about to eat the food)

Fox: Mmm! I bet it's something really tasty...

(He lifts the lid)

TO BE CONTINUED...

Lee Glover
10-04-2004, 04:29 PM
(We now return to Crawford, who is eating the food very quickly)

Fox (off-screen): EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Crow: Uh, oh! Sounds like Foxie's in trouble.

(He runs to the house. Unfortunately, he tied the tablecloth to his neck, which he uses as a napkin. As a result, the food flies into the air and crashes onto the ground)

Crow: Drat!

(He continues to run into the house, where he sees an upset Fauntleroy)

Fox: Oh, you cruel monster. How could you?

Crow: What's up, Foxie? I thought ya wanted ta be on a diet.

Fox: Yes, but not the MILK TOAST diet!

Crow: Oh, come on. Ya gotta eat it.

Fox: Errr...no thanks, doc. I'm not hungry.

Crow: Dat's great, Foxie.

(He scoffs the food)

Crow: Ya see, the less food ya eat, da slimmer youse get. Now, we do da exercises.

Fox: Oh, I'm not too sure...

Crow: Well, no time like da present.

(He grabs Fauntleroy's arm and quickly drags him away from the room)

TO BE CONTINUED...